I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
