dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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