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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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