he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
