Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The adults are the big ones right?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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