would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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