i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
