White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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