I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
