how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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