at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
