Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
