Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
