DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
