Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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