I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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