you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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