my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
