I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
