dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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