So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
