So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
