why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
