Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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