apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
