Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
