I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my shit smells like andre
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
