I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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