Farmville is her only friend.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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