I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Small penises have feelings too.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
