U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
