Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
