wakey wakey hands off snakey
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
