is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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