i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
