We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
