That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
