im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
