Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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