Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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