don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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