i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
