id be glad to
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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