I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
