plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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