I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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