My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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