we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's blow job season.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
