i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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