Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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