she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
