she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
